One Shots and Bertie Botts
by Lucy Labelle
Summary: A simple series of one-shots, mostly spoofs off of movies and song, based on our favourite trio, the Marauders and other characters. (Much better than the summary)
1. The Loss of a Dear Marauder

**A/N: All credit goes to Rae**

To set the scene: Lily and James are walking around the lake, close to sunset. Sirius and Remus are sitting in their dorm. Sirius is staring out the window and Remus is reading a book, and is clearly very into it.

S: I can see what's happening…

R: What?

S: And they don't have a clue…

R: Who?

S: They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line… our trio's down to two

R: Oh

S: The sweet caress of twilight, there's magic everywhere, and with all this romantic atmosphere, disaster's in the air

_Can you feel the love tonight?_

_The peace the evening brings_

_The world for once in perfect harmony_

_With all its living things_

J: So many things to tell her, but how to make her see the truth about my past, impossible, she'd turn away form me

L: He's holding back, he's hiding, but what I can't decided. Why won't he be the man I know he is, the man I see inside

_Can you feel the love tonight?_

_The peace the evening brings_

_The world for once in perfect harmony_

_With all its living things_

S: And if they fall in love tonight, it can be assumed sniff

R: His carefree days with us are history

S/R: In short our pal is doomed. sobbing

Lily and James kiss


	2. Ode to Lily

**a/n: Original lyrics to "K-K-K-Katy" by Geoffrey O'Hara**

**a/n: Thanks to Sirius Stalker…w/ legs! For the inspiring idea!**

To set the scene: The four Marauders' are standing outside of a barbershop, ready to serenade Lily, who is watching nearby.

Sirius: Alright boys, just like we practiced last week.

(_James steels a glance at Lily while Sirius whispers to the other two)_

S: As soon as we hit the chorus, don't sing.

The quartet lined up, feeling stupid in their red and white striped jackets, and began to sing.

J: Ah

R: Ah

S: Ah

P: AH!

All: James was a soldier brave and bold,  
Lily was a maid with eyes of green and gold,  
Like an act of fate,  
Lily was standing at the Quidditch pitch gate,  
Watching all the boys fly away.  
James was the boy girls like to gawk,  
But with Lily, he stuttered ev'ry time he tried to talk,  
Still that night at eight,  
He was there at Lily's gate,  
Stuttering to her this love sick cry.  
J: L-l-l-Lily, beautiful Lily,  
You're the only g-g-g-girl that I adore;  
When the m-m-m-moon shines,  
Over the cowshed,  
I'll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door.  
L-L-L-Lily, beautiful Lily,  
You're the only g-g-g-girl that I adore;  
When the m-m-m-moon shines,  
Over the cowshed,  
I'll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door.  
All sing, and James gives the rest of the Marauders that clearly says "Do that again and I'll kill you all"  
No one ever looked so nice and neat,  
No one could be just as cute and sweet,  
That's what Jamesy thought,  
When the wedding ring he bought,  
Now he's off to London, Voldemort to meet.  
James thought he'd like to take a chance,  
See if he could make the Kaiser dance,  
Stepping to a tune,  
All about the silv'ry moon,  
This is what they hear in far off France.  
James looks up, glares at the Marauders and starts to sing  
J: L-l-l-Lily, beautiful Lily,  
You're the only g-g-g-girl that I adore;  
When the m-m-m-moon shines,  
Over the cowshed,  
I'll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door.  
L-L-L-Lily, beautiful Lily,  
You're the only g-g-g-girl that I adore;  
When the m-m-m-moon shines,  
Over the cowshed,  
I'll be waiting at the k-k-k-kitchen door.

The large audience that had gathered around them applauded. Lily blushed red and ran away, with James running after her. When he caught up to her, he realized that she was laughing so hard she was crying.

L: You laugh can't sing laugh for your life! And you sang anyway!

J: I, uhh…well, I wan, I just wanted to, ummm…

L: Just shut up and kiss me


	3. If Only He Had Said It

**a/n: Lyrics swiped from Disney**

To Set the Scene: Lily is sitting in the common room, discussing her bewildering relationship with James, with her dearest friend Remus, and trying to talk herself out of the best decision she has ever made.

Lily: If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that… No man is worth the aggravation! That's ancient history--been there, done that!

Remus: Who do you think you're kidding? He's the earth and heaven to you! Try to keep it hidden… Lily, I can see right through you. You can't conceal it. I know how you feel and it's James you're thinking of!

Lily: No chance, no way! I won't say it, no, no…

Remus: You swoon, you sigh...why deny it?

Lily: It's too cliché! I won't say I'm in love...

_(Lily stands up and quickly exits the common room. Remus follows and catches up with her as she's on her way to walk by the lake)_

Lily: I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out… My head is screaming, get a grip, Lil. That Potter Boy will make you cry your heart out!

Remus: You keep on denying who you are and how you're feeling. Lils, I'm not buying. Dear, I saw you hit the ceiling. Face it like an auror. When are you going to own up that you've got it bad?

Lily _(walking away from Remus)_: No chance, no way! I won't say it, no, no!

Remus _(in pursuit)_: Give up, give in! I can tell… you're in love!

Lily: This scene won't play. I won't say I'm in love.

Remus: You can't avoid it. Read my lips. You're in love.

Lily _(sitting at the water's edge)_: You're way off base. I won't say it! Get off my case, Remus, I won't say it!

Remus: Lily, don't be so proud… It's okay. you're in love.

_(Remus puts a comforting arm around her. James, spotting the pair, rushes towards them, staying unseen. He hides behind a tree near by and listens.)_

Lily: At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love…

Remus: Lily, just because you're in love with him doesn't mean you have to shout it from the astronomy tower. You can wait for the perfect moment.

James: Pst!

_(James catches Remus' eye and nods at him feverishly until he gets the hint)_

Remus: Hold on for just a moment, Lil. I think I l dropped something by the entrance to the castle. I'll be back in a moment.

_(He scurries off)_

James: Hello Evans. Looking lovely, as always.

Lily _(rolling her eyes)_: Thank you James.

James: You know, I'm having a hard time getting used to you actually tolerating me for more than one second at a time…

Lily: Is it that, or are you just not used to having an ego that fits into a classroom without suffocating it's occupants.

James: Gee thanks, I love you too.

Lily: What?

James: I said… _(he leans in very close)_ that I love you too…

_(James and Lily kiss in the moonlight. Remus watches from across the lake, wondering if he would be the one kissing Lily, if only he had told her he was in love…)_


	4. Moonlit Rides

**a/n: Disney lyrics, yet again…**

To set the scene: It is Lily and the Marauder's 7th year at Hogwarts. Lily and James are patrolling the corridors for Head duties, when James suddenly grabs Lily by the hand and drags her down to the Quidditch pitch.

Lily: Potter! What are you doing? Don't you know how much trouble we could get in if we get caught.

_(James takes out a broom stick and hops on the back)_

James: Life's no fun without some risk… and you'll love this, Evans.

Lily: I don't trust this broom holding the both of us! And I am wary, at best , about what you're going to present to me…

James _(offering her a hand)_: Do you trust me?

Lily _(accepting it)_: Yes… _(She climbs onto the broom behind James, and holds on tight, shutting her eyes)_

James: I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me, Evans, now when didyou last let your heart decide? I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder, over, sideways and under on a moonlit broomstick ride. A whole new world! A new fantastic point of view! No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we're only dreaming.Lily _(opening her eyes and relaxing a bit)_: A whole new world! A dazzling place I never knew… but when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear that now I'm in a whole new world with you…

James: Now I'm in a whole new world with you…

Lily: Unbelievable sights, indescribable feelings! Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling through an endless diamond sky. A whole new world!

James: Don't you dare close your eyes

Lily: A hundred thousand things to see

James: Hold your breath - it gets better

Lily: I'm like a shooting star! I've come so far. I can't go back to where I used to be…James: A whole new world

Lily: Every turn a surprise…

James: With new horizons to pursue

Lily: Every moment red-letter

Both: I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare. Let me share this whole new world with you…James: A whole new world

Lily: That's where we'll be

James: A thrilling chase

Lily: A wondrous place

Both: For you and me…

_(James lands the broom and helps Lily off. They walk back to the castle, hand in hand, and reenter moments before running into Professor Dumbledore)_


	5. Foot in the Door Phenomenon

_Foot-in-the-Door Phenomenom: The phenomenon is the tendancy for people to comply with some large request after first agreeing to a small request. As you can then imagine, the technique is used to get compliance from others (to get them to behave in a way you want) in which a small request is made first in order to get compliance for a larger request._

**To set the scene: Lily and her friend, Clarissa, are sitting in History of Magic, passing a note back and forth, when they are interrupted by our two favourite marauders...**

Clarissa, _Lily_, Sirius, **James**

Hey Lils – Can you believe how boring Binns is being today?

_I think he's created a new record for most kids asleep in one class. I think Alice is even drifting off…_

Yeah, it looks like it's just you, me and Remus.

_Black's not drooling – he's awake._

Well, if Black's awake, Potter's awake.

_Great… it will only be matter of time befo_

I hate to interrupt such lovely ladies, but my dear friend Prongs has a question for Lilykins

I wonder what that could be…

_I'm way too bored to tolerate you, Potter_

**Hey Evans – can I borrow your transfiguration book for a minute?**

_Oh – yes. Fine._

**Thank you.**

Looks pointedly at Lily

_Glare's at Clar_

**Thank you, and Evans?**

_Yes?_

**Will you marry me?**

_I KNEW IT! NO!_

Told you it wouldn't work, mate.

**But the foot-in-the-door phenomenon! That muggle book made sense!**

I'll take _our_ note back, thank you very much.

Whatever you say, gorgeous

I'm not falling for it, Black.

But I haven't dated you and you're pretty! Something is seriously wrong here.

You obviously underestimate the power of flirting and overestimate the power of your own good looks.

At least you admit that I'm good looking

Of course. I mean, even Lily thinks Potter's good looking but

_CLAR!_

Oopsies!

**I think that Clar just made my life.**

Good thing class is over. He might faint.


End file.
